Dancing towards the tree that represents all life, I danced my prayer
to feel connected at the deepest emotional level with all humanity and all life. 

I felt nauseous and dehydrated, like I was drying up. Even though I was drinking water during this three- day ceremony, I felt like I was dying.  As I embraced the feeling and moved towards the tree, I had a vision of a little African boy, skin and bones, starving to death. 

This was the most sacred and powerful moment of my Sweet Medicine Sun Dance ceremony experience. 

It was 6:00 pm, the end of the second day of an outdoor music festival in northern California, when I felt suddenly drawn to make one last round through the Goddess temple before I left.  I immediately saw a friend who mentioned she was going to a Sun Dance ceremony. 

Because of my life long work with dance and movement I immediately knew that I was supposed to go. A few days later I called my friend to find out more details about the ceremony. To my surprise, I discovered that I had heard the date wrong and instead of having several weeks to get prepared I had three days to get everything together before setting out on a road trip to the Sun Dance ceremonial land.

Excited, with the attitude of “I can do it,” and the willingness to do an
all-nighter if need be, I canceled appointments and classes that I had scheduled to teach and began to gather all the necessary items I would need. 

I bought fabric and had a ceremonial dress made, went shopping for all the supplies to make a sacred medicine shield, borrowed a tent, bought a cot, lantern, cooler, and canteen, then gathered clothes and tarps for rain and wind conditions.

Three days later, following my intuition, I was in my car, packed up, and driving from California to the high desert land near the Apache reservation in the White Mountains of Arizona. 

My last stop

As I approached the last tiny town before leaving civilization, I stopped at a gas station market   to pick up my last SoBe green tea/ginseng drink before my 11 days of cleansing, fasting, praying, sweat lodges, and dancing.  I was feeling a growing anticipation and excitement for my time in communion with Mother Earth.  I made one last cell phone call and began driving towards the dirt road that, by following my map, would take me to the ceremonial land. 

Driving on the long, winding, bumpy dirt road, I started to feel an energetic shift.  The high desert touched me deep inside.  I began to notice a sound that penetrated the air and seemed to be coming from all around me.  I stopped, got out of my car, and stood there for several moments listening to the amazing inter-dimensional sound of the locusts as they harmonized together.  I felt right at home. 

Arriving at the gate to enter the Sun Dance land, I felt the energy of the land surrounding me and saw warm welcoming faces. I immediately felt confirmation inside that I was in the right place. 

The first thing on the agenda after signing in was to pick a campsite location.  After wheel-barrowing my gear from my car to my chosen campsite in the dry, sandy desert, it was time to pitch my tent.  I found several rocks to place inside the tent to prepare for the desert wind storms that occur during the summer. I successfully got my tent set up and rain fly in place.  After organizing all of my supplies and creating an altar inside the tent, I lay down and soaked in the energy of the land and felt gratitude for having the sacred time there. 

After meditating and resolving myself to the fact that I would be using port-a-potties for the next 11 days, I took a stroll to check out the land. I was in the middle of Arizona’s high desert. All around me scrubby plants poked out of the sandy soil. In the distance, mountains breached the horizon. The heat was intense; the bright sun was beating down on my skin.  The energy of this place filled me.

Soon, it was time for all 150 of us to gather together in an enormous tent, for dinner, the opening pipe ceremony and meeting of the elders.  This was the 24th annual Sweet Medicine Sun Dance of the Deer Tribe Metis Medicine Society.  After the sacred pipe ceremony, Swift Deer, the elder on the Twisted Hair Council of the Sweet Medicine Sun Dance teachings of Turtle Island, spoke.  Then the Sun Dance Chiefs, Dianne Nightbird and Battey Gold, gave a welcoming talk and prayer. 

After dinner and the opening ceremony, I walked back to my campsite, making my way through the darkness with my flashlight. I knelt in front of my tent under the brilliant stars and sprinkled some cornmeal (called poha) on the Earth with my prayers. 

During the next several days leading up to the sun dance, there would be many purifying sweat lodge ceremonies and much preparation.  Everyone would receive a work assignment, such as building the water sanctuary, cooking food in the kitchen, preparing the land, or constructing the Arbor - the sacred space where we would be doing the Sun Dance.
     
The next morning I learned I was not on the kitchen crew, which I was originally scheduled for, but instead I was on the team that would prepare the land and build the Arbor.  All of a sudden I’m a 5’4”, 110-pound construction worker who’s going to be carrying 20-foot poles, securing them in place, tying tarps, and pulling weeds.  Wow, this was going to be an experience in and of it self.  I was up for it! 

Alchemical components

At our first building team meeting I learned about some of the alchemical components of the Arbor we would be building.  The Arbor is a large, circular space with 12 trees positioned around the circumference.  A 13th tree in the middle symbolizes the tree of life: which represents our interconnection with all life.  During the ceremony, the sun dancers dance towards the tree and offer their prayers to it.

The arbor is constructed with Earth poles that go around the diameter, Moon poles that lay on top of the Earth poles going horizontally across, Star poles that point diagonally upward, and Sun poles that stretch across from the Earth poles to the tree of life in the center. The entrance to the Arbor is at the East Gate. There, we would build an altar to hold the grandmother and grandfather pipes as well as many other sacred objects. 

The Arbor is a dry space.  This means no water or anything containing liquid is allowed inside the ritual circular container.  This even includes liquids like lip balm and sun screen.
Everyone participating in the Sun Dance will be fasting from food.  Some people choose to dry fast, meaning no food or water for the entire three days.  For the dancers who choose to drink water during the ceremony, we would construct a “blue water sanctuary.” This is the place where everyone who is not dry fasting drinks water in a sacred, silent, and prayerful way - giving thanks and gratitude for all water on this planet. 

In the Arbor you always walk in a clockwise direction. This means if you need to go to an area just to your right, you walk left clockwise all the way around the Arbor to reach your destination.  The other major protocol is that you never turn your back to the tree of life. When you leave the Arbor for any reason, you back out.  Leaving the Arbor is rare. The only times you step outside the Arbor are to go to the water sanctuary or to the port-a-potties located a short two minute walk outside the container.  No visits to your campsite, shower, or sink for teeth brushing! 

Inside the Arbor is a drum sanctuary where the grandmother drum sits. When the ceremony starts, drummers and chanters will drum and chant non-stop from 6:00 a.m. to 2:00 a.m. each day for the Sun Dancers to dance.  There will be four hours of silent dream time each night from 2:00 a.m. to 6:00a.m. 

A healing sanctuary is located next to the drum sanctuary to assist dancers at any point with any physical or spiritual needs. Dancers are encouraged to not leave the Arbor but to resolve their physical or spiritual needs by connecting with the tree of life. 
 
Sitting in my tent sewing my medicine shield that first night, I thanked Great Spirit for not being on kitchen crew and being given the opportunity to be part of the building of the sacred Arbor.  

After many long days of purifying sweats, intense labor from morning to night, only breaking for food and the sweat lodge ceremonies, we were finally reaching the time we had all been waiting for. 

Bless and awaken

On the day before the Sun Dance, I was given the honor of being one of the people performing the ceremony to bless and awaken the Arbor.  After the blessings and awakening, no one would be allowed to enter the sacred space until we all entered for the official start of the ceremony.  Guards would sit outside of the Arbor all night. That night, the ancestors would dance in the sacred space. 

Finally the day of the Sun Dance dawned.  We had our last purifying sweat lodge ceremony and made our last visit for the next three days to our tents to get dressed in our ceremonial clothing.  For the next three days we would be living in the Arbor. 

In ceremonial regalia, we all gathered at the East Gate.  We entered the Arbor walking clockwise to our established dance position.
All of us Sun Dancers were in our established lanes, where we would dance in a straight line to the tree and back. This four-foot space was just big enough for our cot. With our personal medicine shields hanging at the top of our lane above us, we stood waiting for the pipe ceremony and opening prayer to begin. 

Our Sun Dance Chiefs, Dianne Nightbird and Battey Gold, stepped into the center by the tree of life to begin the Sun Dance with a pipe ceremony and opening prayer. 

Dancing to the tree

After the prayer, the drumming started and all of us sun dancers at once moved forward from our positions in the circle, dancing to the tree in the center.  We held our eagle whistle between our teeth and whistled as we approached the tree.  In each hand we were shaking our feather plumes. When we reached the tree, we stopped and offered our prayer, along with an offering of tobacco or cornmeal to the earth. We stayed at the tree for as long as necessary, concentrating on our prayer and connecting with our emotions, our bodies, and our connection with all life. When we were ready, we danced backwards to the four-foot wide spot where our cots were, never turning our back on the tree.

Each part of the dance is significant. The forward dance to the tree holds the consciousness of the prayer. The backward dance opens receptivity for the clarity, the blessing, the guidance, or the vision to be received. This is repetitive while you are blowing the eagle whistle and shaking your feathered plumes held in each hand.  Long blows as you dance to the tree and short whistle blows as you dance back. 

The dancing continues non-stop for twenty hours. Each dancer may take a break to drink, meditate, or visit a port-a-potty, but a certain number of dancers must be dancing at any given time to maintain the alchemical energy of the Arbor. If a dancer takes a break and leaves the Arbor, the dancer upon returning must dance to the tree and offer a new prayer, along with a new offering of cornmeal or tobacco. This reopens the dancer’s gateway and allows the dancer to once again connect with the tree and the energy of the Arbor.

When the sun sets, dancing continues in the dark. The only light emanates from tiny candles at each dancers lane and the blanket of stars stretching across the sky. We continue dancing, seeing only hazy shapes of dancers moving back and forth, and hearing the repetitive sound of whistles, drums, and chanting.

A few deep breaths

At the onset of the dance, blowing the whistle, I began to wonder how I would hold the whistle with my teeth and blow it for 3 days when my jaw was already hurting.  I took a few deep breaths and used one of the techniques from my movement system and distributed the level of
physical sensation equally throughout my body taking the focus off my jaw. 

A teacher of transformational dance and movement for over 20 years I am very used to surrendering my body as a portal to access higher states of consciousness.  In my work I use
“Embodiment Prayers”; a prayer where you open your body as a container to receive the
emotional experience of that which you are praying for.  I have found that through the portal of the body, the feminine, we can access all knowledge. 

In the beginning of the first day of the ceremony I danced a prayer to the tree for the deepest embodiment of my spirit with my flesh.  My prayer was answered.  I felt a fusion occur inside, a connection between the tree and all that it represented, and my body.  I felt my body as the sacred vessel to receive all the knowledge that my prayers were invoking.

My moon cycle began at that moment, as I felt this deep sacred connection inside of my body.  It was not even close in timing for my cycle to begin.  But often in ceremonies, because of the sacredness of feminine blood, this spontaneously occurs for some women during a high moment of ritual prayer.

Over the three-day ceremony, dancing with the sun blazing, I connected with the sun and gave thanks for the fusion of light that the Sun offers to all living things.  I danced prayers of honor and love for the Earth, love to all beings, and for all life to be recognized and honored.  I danced prayers for the innocence of the children, for all beings to be fed, feel safe and cared for.  I danced prayers for all the ancestors.  I held the space of forgiveness, of neutrality for all that has occurred on this planet. I danced prayers for peace, for unity and for humanity’s simultaneous awareness of our deep interconnection. Dancing towards the tree representing all life, I danced my prayer to feel connected at the deepest emotional level with all humanity and all life. 

The water sanctuary

After dancing these prayers for hours, I went to the water sanctuary.  On the way back to my lane in the Arbor I was feeling very nauseous and dehydrated.  The feeling of deep dehydration caught my attention since I had just had 4 or 5 cups of water.  As I became more present with what I was feeling, I felt as if my insides were eating themselves; I felt like I was starving.  I recognized these sensations as a doorway for me to surrender even deeper into. 

I stayed present with the sensations I felt in my body as I danced towards the tree.  I allowed myself to fully feel the experience so completely that I merged with it. 

At that moment, I had a vision.  I saw what I was feeling.  I saw a small African boy, skin and bones, starving to death.  I felt what he was feeling.  I felt his starvation.  As I reached the tree in this profound state of connection, I wept.  I felt his pain as if I was him and he was me. I experienced what starving children experience every day.  I felt the emotional connection that runs through all life. 

My Sun Dance experience reinforced my belief that this deep level of connection is what is needed in the world today in order to make the changes we need to rebalance the planet. 
Through the body, our portal of connection to our emotions, we can regain this connection with all life.  If we all, collectively, reconnect at this deepest level, we can accelerate positive change in the world.

Making a change on the planet

The day after the Sun Dance when I arrived back in civilization, I learned that on Saturday, July 2, 2005 there were many worldwide Live 8 concerts with the purpose of sending a message to the 8 Great Powers of the world to end poverty and starvation.  Amazingly that was the third day of my Sun Dance which was when I felt and saw the starving children of the world. 

I thought, in order for them to feel a connection with all humanity, what if the 8 Great Powers were sent to experience what it feels like to be in the desert without food or clean water?  They would have to get out of their heads and into some real experiences in the body.  Maybe then they would put plans into place to use the resources from our beautiful planet wisely and bring unity to the human family.

Estara is an International Sound Healing and Movement Educator, Sacred Dance Artist, Inspirational Speaker and Author.  Estara integrates over 15 years of experience in energy healing and transformational modalities.  She gives presentations at conferences and leads workshops and retreats in vibrational healing, teaching her breakthrough system of integrating breath, movement, and sound.  She also leads women’s retreats in Embodying the Sacred Feminine.  She has appeared on national television including her work being featured on CBS TV, "Eye on America." 

© 2005 Estaryia